Hey y’all! So I’ve literally started this post in my head for over a month now. The way my life has been set up the months of May and June, I just couldn’t get done. Between work, Karter in daycare and traveling twice, ya girl is TIRED. I wish I never used the word tired before having a baby. This is a whole different type of tired. I could go on and on, but I won’t bore you all with my fatigue.
During that period of “writing my blog post in my head,” I also went through about five different post topics. It’s like every time I was sure I knew what I wanted to write about, something else happened, and in my head (where I live) I was like oh this would be cool to talk about. Since my last post, I’ve experienced my first Mother’s Day, Karter’s first day of daycare, my first weekend away without hubby and baby, KD’s first flight and Rob’s first Father’s day. That’s a lot of firsts! So having experienced all of that, there’s one obvious and clear theme...first experiences. I won’t go into detail about all of these experiences, because y’all don’t have time to read all of that. Instead, I’ll focus on how I felt over these last few weeks of first.
I’ve always been a pretty grounded person when it comes to doing what I need to do to have a clear mind and keeping my energy positive. Lately, I’ve found myself not taking care of that. When it comes to self-care on the physical, I’ve maintained that. Bi-weekly nail appointments, wax appointments, eyebrows taken care of, even making time for massages and facials. That’s cool and all, but my spiritual and internal self-care has lacked. I was waking up in the morning and the first thing I would do is grab my phone, chime in on my group chats and scroll through my social media apps. On my commute to work, which is an hour, I replaced my podcasts and gospel music with the Breakfast Club (which I absolutely love), but I need a healthy balance and I’m usually good at balancing that. What I listen to and what I do sets the tone for my day. My diet...let’s just say it doesn’t exist. I’ve been eating every and any thing I want. I know last post I told y’all I would do better, but I haven’t. Now I’m sitting here nurturing a break out on my face. Oh and not to mention I got my first period post-baby. Damn it felt good NOT to get one for so long. On the other hand, it also feels good to know I’m not knocked up again lol.
About two weeks ago, I finally had a come to Jesus moment. I couldn’t keep making the choices I was making. I made the adjustments I needed to make to my morning routine, and I instantly noticed myself becoming more productive and my days becoming more intentional. No, I haven’t written down all of my goals for the rest of the year, all of my laundry is not complete, my e-mail inboxes are not at zero, but I’ve been able to actually complete one task daily. It’s a small win, but what I’ve learned as a new mom is that you have to celebrate all of the small wins. Everyday isn’t going to be nowhere near perfect, but if you even get yourself and the kids out of the door on time, you’re WINNING. And from that lesson, I also learned that when you can celebrate all of the small wins, you’re able to live in the moment and actually enjoy it. I’ve always been one to live in the future, which hindered me from enjoying the present. Everything for me was like a never ending check list, completing things and quickly moving to the next.
With all of these first experiences over the last few weeks, I realized I haven’t really STOPPED to take it all in. Time is moving fast and we don’t get those moments back. I’ve made a promise to myself to truly live in the moment, enjoy it, and forget about all of the things on my to do list. The list will always be there, things will always need to be done...and it will get done when it gets done. Dishes are done every night (thanks to the dishwasher) and my bathroom is clean. Those are my must do’s! The time I’m saving from worrying about all of the things I need to do, is now time I’m spending with my family and creating memorable moments. Before I know it, Karter will be walking, talking and then going to school. I don’t want to look back years from now and think “where the hell did my baby go?”
I hope that explains why I haven’t posted in so long and I will do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again! I am unapologetically living in the NOW and I’m doing the things I need to do, to start my day on a good foot. There will be some days I succeed, and some days I’m sure I’ll fail...and that’s ok. Every morning we wake up, is another chance to get it right. More importantly, when my kid looks up at me, he assures me that I’m doing everything just right and meeting all of his needs (including still nursing at night through teething). Y’all pray for your girl!